Old age and our expectations

Getting older is something that happens to everyone. We can do alot of things in our younger life to help us have an easier time when we get older, but get older we will. A lot of people have fears or concerns about getting older. I am going to break down my expectations of old age in the 6 wellness catorgies. Things that will happen to us when we get older. Remember these things when you are interacting with the older generation. Let me know when you think and what I missed. There are many things that might go in multiple catorgories, I am going to try to choose the best one.

Physical Wellness:
(when we get older our body get's older and we can expierence many difficulties because of it. Here is a list of some of those difficulties)
- Arthritis
- Loss of vision
- Osteporosis
- Limited movability
- *Less sickness - (a positive note, as we get older we are more immuntized to sickness and thus get colds and flus less often)

Emtional Wellness:
We will expierence different emotions as we get older the hardest one I think I will have is:

- Feeling alone or lost (in junction with Hearing Loss and you social wellness, I think you will often not feel included in conversations becuase it will be hard to follow them. This also can make talking to our spouse difficult as we both might have a hard time hearing each other)

Intellectual Wellness:
- Dementia
- Loss of memory
- Wisdom - we will have lived alot of life and will have many experience that we will have learned from.

Spiritual Wellness:
- I expect by the time I am older my spiritual wellness is at it's peak, that I will strongly believe in the things I do believe.

Social Wellness:
- Your kids get busy and have their own lifes and thus might not visit you often
- Your siblings will be old themselves and might have a difficult time visiting
- You friends are also old and some will be dying.
- Behind the times, your grandkids will have fads you will know nothing about.

Environmental Wellness:
- This will be one of my hardest things. As you get older is common that you can't live alone as well. You might have someone to move in with, but you will lose you normal space. You might be in a "in-law" apartment. Things you used to do will be more difficult.
- Also you will have to add things to make your house safer. Rails in the bathroom. Chairs where you change.

Dealing with Death

Ever since I first learned my wife was pregnant I started subscribing to the online newsletters from different baby sites. In the last Huggies newsletter they linked to an article titled "Dealing with Death" It's an article from iParenting Media by Mark Stackpole. I thought I would share part of it here as it fits what I have been talking about.

He shares a story about the loss of a fish and the coping on their 4 year old daughter. Below are some quote from his article.

• "There wasn't much we could do except talk to her about death. It was just a goldfish – how hard could it be?
  "Corinne, I have some bad news. Daddyfish died," I said.
  "Why? Was he sick?" she asked.
  "I don't know, honey, but he's gone."
  "Oh, no. Oh, no. That makes me sad."
  "It makes me sad, too, Baby. I'm very sorry."
  "I want to see him."
  
• "Just like Horton said, "A person's a person, no matter how small." A tiny speck to everyone else, Daddyfish was, well, Daddyfish. And we loved him. I cried for Daddyfish. I cried for Corinne. I selfishly cried for myself as I wondered how I would help her through future experiences like this. It is death that gives meaning to our finite lives. That doesn't make it any easier to say goodbye."
  
• "Parents misunderstand that children can understand that this loss is a permanent one," says Dr. Stephanie LaFarge, ... "They know that they miss their pet, but they also believe that he's still around somewhere. This is quite a significant moment, and it cannot be disguised or covered up. The first thing is to be honest, no matter what the age of the child. Be honest with yourself and with your child about what happened and what you are feeling." (Note by Clayton: I think this is extremely important to remember, that it doesn't matter the age of the child, be honest, always be honest with your kids. It's amazing how much they can understand and how they can know when you are being honest, and they will remember these truths through out their lives)
  
• "Though pets are certainly members of the family, no one consciously plans to use the death of a pet as "practice" for the larger losses of loved ones. That said, this is exactly what these situations are, and if parents can recognize that, they can teach their children a great deal about death." (Note: Remember this, most moments in life are moments we should use to teach our children.)
  
• "Through being honest and open, a parent can help the child develop a more positive perspective on a tragic situation, one that allows children to feel sad but not sacrifice all of the wonderful memories of their life with the pet. This outlook paves the way for a child to welcome another pet into her home and her heart."
  
• "If it's any consolation, Daddyfish, one fish wasn't enough to take your place – it took two to fill your aquarium. We'll miss you, but life goes on." (Note: I like how he acknowledged the fish here, we can feel the loss, but we can move on)

You can read the full article at this link - link.

At the bottom of the page there are other articles about helping children deal with death.

The Good and The Bad

For this weeks class we had to write a paper about the good and bad of death and figured since my blog is on this topic I should post it hear for you all to read. Here it is:

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We all at some point in our life will have to deal with someone dying who we knew personally and who meant something to us. Death is often thought to only bring about negative things; however there are also positive things that can happen because of it.

First let me talk about some of the normal negative things that can happen. First we lose someone we are close to. It can happen to those that are “too young” and still have so much life. There are too many little children that leave the earth way too soon. There are families that lose a parent when there are still children at home, making it hard for the single parents and for those kids. Another thing about death is it can drag out, there are many who are sick or have cancer that last months or years before they finally pass. These last moments are stressful on those who have to watch the process; it’s also hard on them to have the most recent memories of the deceased to be these moments of their love one suffering. Death can be very hard on all those around it when it happens.

However, there are things that are good that we can take away from a death. One of the good things is when someone is suffering and then passes away; it’s a relief for the family to see the suffering end. I have found that the family that is still alive usually develops closer relationships. When my Mom passed away, I was able to read her old journals and to go through things she had saved and to learn more about her then I ever would have if she was still alive. Death also has away to bring a person to seek spiritual guidance and understanding. I had always believed in the afterlife and in eternal families, but it wasn’t until I felt that I need an eternal family by losing my Mom that I was able to understand what that meant to me. This spiritual understanding also can lead to wanting to better our lives. Also with seeing other die we might strive to better our health so that we can live longer and avoid certain diseases.

Death is sad, but there are things we can learn from it. It can help us to live the rest of life a little happier by realizing that some things we thought were very important are actually not that important. So yes death can seem like a bad thing, but it is also a good thing.

The poll on the right.

I have put a poll up on this blog's right column. Please answer it.

According to the National Center for Health Statistics in 2005 a little over 25% of all deaths were due to heart disease, and 20% due to cancer, with 5% due to strokes.

Have you known someone personally that has passed away from one of the following. When I say personally, I mean someone you had a relationship with.

What has it meant to you, how has your life been changed by it?

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When I was 19 I was on a mission for the Church of Jesus-Christ of Latter-day Saints. I had been out for exactly a year. I had been gone all day and returned back to my apartment and received a phone call from my brother. My mom had a stroke. She had health complications my whole life. She was in a car accident when I was young which caused major complications and lead to her having rheumatory arthritis. These complication, along with having 8 kids, and working part-time caused her to have a lot of stress - my guess of what lead to the stroke.
Now back to that day, she had a stroke but was doing alright. She was in the hospital and recovering. The stroke left one whole side of her paralyzed. She was going to be in a wheelchair. I never did talk to her after this, because after all I was going to see her in a year, and Mother's Day was only a month away and I would talk to her then.
She recovered enough to be moved from the hospital to a nursing type home, where she was learning to sit up by herself and get herself in and out of the wheelchair. Two weeks had passed since the stroke and a 2nd stroke hit her. She didn't survive this one.
I can't tell you what I really felt at that time. Every single emotion that is possible is hoe I felt. I was glad for my mom to get some true rest. I was glad to know that there is a God and that I would see my mom again. I was angry that I didn't call her the week prior, I was angry that God would do this at this point in my life. I was sad for my dad and my younger brothers that lived at home with mom. (I was glad to be in Houston where I could forget about home and just knock doors). I was frustrated that I couldn't do anything about it. I was confused on what I should do, stay in Houston, go home, or just go to the funeral and come back (which is what I did).

My mom was only 50 years old. She was young, but she had done so much with her life. She had raised 8 kids, saw 5 of them get married. She was always there for those around her. I have learned more about my mom due to her passing that I think I could have otherwise. There are things I took for granted, that I am now grateful to realize. When I was a teenager I would get home in the evenings and my mom would be in her sewing/craft room working on some project and I would join her and she would just let me talk and let me be me. We would talk for a couple hours like this each week. She is who taught me to be open about almost everything. I now just hope I can be there like that for my kids.
She also taught my to be happy regardless of what is going on. She had a lot of stuff to be frustrated about, but she didn't let those things distract from the good parts of life. She has also taught my more about God and who He is by passing away. I 'knew' before that families were eternal, but now I KNOW they are.
She taught my to be committed and to give your time to good causes. She was a unit lead for a woman's group (Daughter of Utah Pioneers). She would organize service projects, teach lessons, and visit with the members of this group. She made them all feel included. I hope that I can be like this for the groups I am involved with.
I miss her everyday, but I am glad that I can look back and love that days we had.

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