It leaves my numb inside just thinking about it. I come home everyday and get to hold my son. It makes my grateful for my spiritual wellness that tells me that there is a new beginning after this end. I feel bad for those who do not have a spiritual belief to hold on to.What would you say to someone who this happened to?
What are your beliefs?
5 comments:
Kevin and I were talking about the need for spiritual beliefs yesterday. In the leadership model of education it is called a core book. When we have something we can believe in, we can then turn toit for a reference point for everything, including living and dieing. Without the core beliefs it is as if we are continually searching and never finding, because there is no way to know if what we come up is correct or not. As I've studied the theories of human development and especially child development I've found that all of the theorists can find "proof" for their theory in their observations, and then both of those proofs contradict each other or at least are very difficult to fit together. If we had know core belief and had to rely on this information to decide how to raise a child-we could really mess things up.
Kevin and I were watching Lost, so here is another way I explained it. Remember Desmond. He's the character that experiences a confusion of reality and time. He doesn't know which is real or what is going on. The only way to solve this is to find an anchor-something that is there in both time periods, that is consistent and that is real. If he does not find it he will become so disoriented that he will die. That is what religion is and spiritual faith. It is our anchor.
Loosing someone is different for everyone. My husband lost his dad at a fairly young age. Between him, two brothers and a sister, they each dealt with it differently. He said the best thing he heard from someone was, "I can't say that I know what you're feeling, so I'll just say that I care." It wasn't like the person tried to compare something they had experienced to make his experience anything less. Being there for someone to just listen is so important. Letting them just know that you care. In regards to the post before, I think each of us has our own depth to our own ancor. Depending on situations the length of our ancors can be short or long.
I read this this morning and I keep thinking about it. I am so sorry for your friend I could not imagine losing any of my children. One of my dearest friends just lost her younger brother we are both LDS and understand life after death but it still sucks and that is all I could tell her is that is sucks, no other way to it but that's the truth losing someone you love hurts and it will until we see them again on the other side.
I am always at a lose for words when situation come up like this even though I think I should be well prepared having lost Mom. I like what the last person said in their comment "I can't say that I know what you're feeling, so I'll just say that I care." I am going to use that from now on.
After Mom passed away an older lady in my ward came up to me and said "you will grieve real hard for three years and then the pain will lessen and lessen but you will never forget her you will think about her everyday until you die" as funny as that sounds it was the most comforting thing that anyone said to me. It was like it gave me the right to grieve and be sad but it also helped me realize that it was okay to think about her everyday. I do still think about her everyday. Sometimes I pull out cards and notes with her handwriting on them or things she gave me because she new I would like them. I have myself a real good cry put them away and go on with life. I will always miss her but I think as Melissa said that you have to have belief or what is our purpose here on earth.
You asked what we would share with them what are beliefs are, well this it what I would say:
I would share with my friend who lost a son about a loving Heavenly Father who sent us here to earth to be tested and tried, I would share my favorite story the story of Job. I would sit still and listen to them I would let them cry. I would tell them it would them it will always hurt but Jesus Christ bore all of hurt and aches and that he is there to help them through this time. I would tell them I don't know why their child died at this time but that I know that they WILL be with him again. I would tell them that it may take along time for them to truly understand and forgive what has happened and that's okay and that it is okay to grieve and to to cry that their is nothing wrong with that. I would also tell them that yes they might feel guilty for their lives to go on as normal and that's okay.
I would hug them and hold them and say yes it sucks but Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ have a plan for you and they love you.
I think you can't possibly comprehend this loss unless it has happened to you. And hopefully, most of us won't have to experience the loss of a child. I think just letting your friend know you're there is comforting. You can't understand as hard as you try, so you just have to be a support system for him and his family.
Something interesting happened to me yesterday. There have been four pregnant ladies in our ward, over the last month we have all had out babies, the last of us, who is due this week was determined to have a natural birth, totally afraid of medication and not being in control of her body, she did not want to be hooked up to anything. On saturday she started bleeding her placenta had separated and she was rushed in for an emergancy c-section. They did not know if she would make it or if the baby would survive. The baby swallowed a lot of blood and they are still worried about him. This family lost another baby 6 years ago. I contrast this experience to my own, where I was so worried I would have to have a c-section because of a breech baby...who turned at the last minute. I remember being so relieved at the hospital and holding our son when he was born feeling like God had answered my prayers. Why do things like this happen? Why does a prayer get answered on way for me but another way for someone else? Although I don't know all the answers both experience I believe test our beliefs, our faith, and help us know who and what we rely on.
Wether in birth or death I feel like the other side is so close. When mom died I FELT her gone and felt like she was in a better place. That feeling is something no one can take away! When all of our children have been born I have again felt that connection, that the other side is so close and they just came from somewhere miraculas. I love the cycle of life...it is the only thing we can count on...if you have been born, you will die. It hurts, which is good, it constantly reminds us of what is waiting and the connections we have and have had!
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