Never give up

One things we have to remember about living is that we can keep living as long as we never give up. Lisa's (my wife) Grandfather as he aged eventually had to be on oxegyn and this just devasted him. He had keep a journal for years untit the day this happened. He that day wrote something along the lines 'I am not tied to my house' and with this a piece of living died. I meet him after this point and it's sad he was a grumpy old man that just stayed home. It took a lot from others to get him to go somewhere. He lived with that oxygen for about 5 years before he passed.

I hope I won't let something that can be mobile hold me down.

Old age and our expectations

Getting older is something that happens to everyone. We can do alot of things in our younger life to help us have an easier time when we get older, but get older we will. A lot of people have fears or concerns about getting older. I am going to break down my expectations of old age in the 6 wellness catorgies. Things that will happen to us when we get older. Remember these things when you are interacting with the older generation. Let me know when you think and what I missed. There are many things that might go in multiple catorgories, I am going to try to choose the best one.

Physical Wellness:
(when we get older our body get's older and we can expierence many difficulties because of it. Here is a list of some of those difficulties)
- Arthritis
- Loss of vision
- Osteporosis
- Limited movability
- *Less sickness - (a positive note, as we get older we are more immuntized to sickness and thus get colds and flus less often)

Emtional Wellness:
We will expierence different emotions as we get older the hardest one I think I will have is:

- Feeling alone or lost (in junction with Hearing Loss and you social wellness, I think you will often not feel included in conversations becuase it will be hard to follow them. This also can make talking to our spouse difficult as we both might have a hard time hearing each other)

Intellectual Wellness:
- Dementia
- Loss of memory
- Wisdom - we will have lived alot of life and will have many experience that we will have learned from.

Spiritual Wellness:
- I expect by the time I am older my spiritual wellness is at it's peak, that I will strongly believe in the things I do believe.

Social Wellness:
- Your kids get busy and have their own lifes and thus might not visit you often
- Your siblings will be old themselves and might have a difficult time visiting
- You friends are also old and some will be dying.
- Behind the times, your grandkids will have fads you will know nothing about.

Environmental Wellness:
- This will be one of my hardest things. As you get older is common that you can't live alone as well. You might have someone to move in with, but you will lose you normal space. You might be in a "in-law" apartment. Things you used to do will be more difficult.
- Also you will have to add things to make your house safer. Rails in the bathroom. Chairs where you change.

Dealing with Death

Ever since I first learned my wife was pregnant I started subscribing to the online newsletters from different baby sites. In the last Huggies newsletter they linked to an article titled "Dealing with Death" It's an article from iParenting Media by Mark Stackpole. I thought I would share part of it here as it fits what I have been talking about.

He shares a story about the loss of a fish and the coping on their 4 year old daughter. Below are some quote from his article.

• "There wasn't much we could do except talk to her about death. It was just a goldfish – how hard could it be?
  "Corinne, I have some bad news. Daddyfish died," I said.
  "Why? Was he sick?" she asked.
  "I don't know, honey, but he's gone."
  "Oh, no. Oh, no. That makes me sad."
  "It makes me sad, too, Baby. I'm very sorry."
  "I want to see him."
  
• "Just like Horton said, "A person's a person, no matter how small." A tiny speck to everyone else, Daddyfish was, well, Daddyfish. And we loved him. I cried for Daddyfish. I cried for Corinne. I selfishly cried for myself as I wondered how I would help her through future experiences like this. It is death that gives meaning to our finite lives. That doesn't make it any easier to say goodbye."
  
• "Parents misunderstand that children can understand that this loss is a permanent one," says Dr. Stephanie LaFarge, ... "They know that they miss their pet, but they also believe that he's still around somewhere. This is quite a significant moment, and it cannot be disguised or covered up. The first thing is to be honest, no matter what the age of the child. Be honest with yourself and with your child about what happened and what you are feeling." (Note by Clayton: I think this is extremely important to remember, that it doesn't matter the age of the child, be honest, always be honest with your kids. It's amazing how much they can understand and how they can know when you are being honest, and they will remember these truths through out their lives)
  
• "Though pets are certainly members of the family, no one consciously plans to use the death of a pet as "practice" for the larger losses of loved ones. That said, this is exactly what these situations are, and if parents can recognize that, they can teach their children a great deal about death." (Note: Remember this, most moments in life are moments we should use to teach our children.)
  
• "Through being honest and open, a parent can help the child develop a more positive perspective on a tragic situation, one that allows children to feel sad but not sacrifice all of the wonderful memories of their life with the pet. This outlook paves the way for a child to welcome another pet into her home and her heart."
  
• "If it's any consolation, Daddyfish, one fish wasn't enough to take your place – it took two to fill your aquarium. We'll miss you, but life goes on." (Note: I like how he acknowledged the fish here, we can feel the loss, but we can move on)

You can read the full article at this link - link.

At the bottom of the page there are other articles about helping children deal with death.

The Good and The Bad

For this weeks class we had to write a paper about the good and bad of death and figured since my blog is on this topic I should post it hear for you all to read. Here it is:

--

We all at some point in our life will have to deal with someone dying who we knew personally and who meant something to us. Death is often thought to only bring about negative things; however there are also positive things that can happen because of it.

First let me talk about some of the normal negative things that can happen. First we lose someone we are close to. It can happen to those that are “too young” and still have so much life. There are too many little children that leave the earth way too soon. There are families that lose a parent when there are still children at home, making it hard for the single parents and for those kids. Another thing about death is it can drag out, there are many who are sick or have cancer that last months or years before they finally pass. These last moments are stressful on those who have to watch the process; it’s also hard on them to have the most recent memories of the deceased to be these moments of their love one suffering. Death can be very hard on all those around it when it happens.

However, there are things that are good that we can take away from a death. One of the good things is when someone is suffering and then passes away; it’s a relief for the family to see the suffering end. I have found that the family that is still alive usually develops closer relationships. When my Mom passed away, I was able to read her old journals and to go through things she had saved and to learn more about her then I ever would have if she was still alive. Death also has away to bring a person to seek spiritual guidance and understanding. I had always believed in the afterlife and in eternal families, but it wasn’t until I felt that I need an eternal family by losing my Mom that I was able to understand what that meant to me. This spiritual understanding also can lead to wanting to better our lives. Also with seeing other die we might strive to better our health so that we can live longer and avoid certain diseases.

Death is sad, but there are things we can learn from it. It can help us to live the rest of life a little happier by realizing that some things we thought were very important are actually not that important. So yes death can seem like a bad thing, but it is also a good thing.

The poll on the right.

I have put a poll up on this blog's right column. Please answer it.

According to the National Center for Health Statistics in 2005 a little over 25% of all deaths were due to heart disease, and 20% due to cancer, with 5% due to strokes.

Have you known someone personally that has passed away from one of the following. When I say personally, I mean someone you had a relationship with.

What has it meant to you, how has your life been changed by it?

--

When I was 19 I was on a mission for the Church of Jesus-Christ of Latter-day Saints. I had been out for exactly a year. I had been gone all day and returned back to my apartment and received a phone call from my brother. My mom had a stroke. She had health complications my whole life. She was in a car accident when I was young which caused major complications and lead to her having rheumatory arthritis. These complication, along with having 8 kids, and working part-time caused her to have a lot of stress - my guess of what lead to the stroke.
Now back to that day, she had a stroke but was doing alright. She was in the hospital and recovering. The stroke left one whole side of her paralyzed. She was going to be in a wheelchair. I never did talk to her after this, because after all I was going to see her in a year, and Mother's Day was only a month away and I would talk to her then.
She recovered enough to be moved from the hospital to a nursing type home, where she was learning to sit up by herself and get herself in and out of the wheelchair. Two weeks had passed since the stroke and a 2nd stroke hit her. She didn't survive this one.
I can't tell you what I really felt at that time. Every single emotion that is possible is hoe I felt. I was glad for my mom to get some true rest. I was glad to know that there is a God and that I would see my mom again. I was angry that I didn't call her the week prior, I was angry that God would do this at this point in my life. I was sad for my dad and my younger brothers that lived at home with mom. (I was glad to be in Houston where I could forget about home and just knock doors). I was frustrated that I couldn't do anything about it. I was confused on what I should do, stay in Houston, go home, or just go to the funeral and come back (which is what I did).

My mom was only 50 years old. She was young, but she had done so much with her life. She had raised 8 kids, saw 5 of them get married. She was always there for those around her. I have learned more about my mom due to her passing that I think I could have otherwise. There are things I took for granted, that I am now grateful to realize. When I was a teenager I would get home in the evenings and my mom would be in her sewing/craft room working on some project and I would join her and she would just let me talk and let me be me. We would talk for a couple hours like this each week. She is who taught me to be open about almost everything. I now just hope I can be there like that for my kids.
She also taught my to be happy regardless of what is going on. She had a lot of stuff to be frustrated about, but she didn't let those things distract from the good parts of life. She has also taught my more about God and who He is by passing away. I 'knew' before that families were eternal, but now I KNOW they are.
She taught my to be committed and to give your time to good causes. She was a unit lead for a woman's group (Daughter of Utah Pioneers). She would organize service projects, teach lessons, and visit with the members of this group. She made them all feel included. I hope that I can be like this for the groups I am involved with.
I miss her everyday, but I am glad that I can look back and love that days we had.

--

What are you doing to keep going?

There is a circle of life. As it's been mentioned there is a certainty that all that is born will eventually die. However, there is much joy to have while we are alive and thus there are many reasons for us to strive to make the most out of life.

So what are you doing to keep going and to prolong the life you are living?

Here are a few of the things we can do to 'age-proof' ourselves.

First we need to keep ourselves physical well by:

- Eating right and wisely.
- Having a regular exercise schedule.
- Avoiding drugs, tobacco and alcohol.
- Yearly doctor visits and exams.

We also need to be intellectually well by:

- Daily activities that stimulate the brain. These might be reading, doing puzzles, or learning new things.

We need to keep our emotions level and in balance.

- We need to eliminate things that cause us negative stress. Stress is a common cause of health problems and if we can eliminate or learn to deal with stress in the right ways we will be better off because of it.
- Give yourself some 'me' time. A little 'me' time can go a long way.

Outside of stress, we need to have a support group and a positive internal focus.

- Have friends and family that you can rely on for help. Make sure it's someone that will support you, if you are trying to stop smoking you will need to not hang out with those that do. If you want to eat better, it's easiest if you can get those you eat with to do the same.
- Have a good self esteem. Outside of someone else helping you, you need to have faith in yourself. If you believe you can do it, you probably can.

Your environment or surroundings is also important.

- Keep a clean house.
- Be ready for the occasion. In the winter wear a coat. In the summer use lotion.

We need to not forget our spiritual wellness.

- Believe! It's not as important what you necessarily believe, but whatever you do believe make sure you actually do believe it.

--

So what are you doing? or what do you need to do?

I know I need to eat better. I need to exercise more. I do however walk at lunch a couple days a week. I try to walk between 12 - 20 miles a week. This gives me exercise, but also puts me outside and being outside is very relaxing and energising.

I am going to school which is preparing for the future. I am starting my family. Sometimes it seems I don't' have any time with them, but I do try to make time so that I can spend time with them.

I also like to have a book that I am reading. It needs to be for entertainment that I read it. This gives me something else to do, allows me to relax and forget about all the work and school I have.

--

So what are you doing to improve you life? Please leave a comment and let us all know.

During the Journey

Thank you for the many comments to the last blog. It's true we all need to be a support system for each other. When someone has a tragedy there is never a more important time for them to have people around. Each and everyone's tragedy is different. As a couple of my sister's commented I had the experience of losing my mother when I was 19. It was a tough time and I still have times I wish I could just call her and ask a question or just tell her about my day. Even with my going through that, I still don't know what to do when someone goes through something similar because I know it's different for them. I love the quote that someone left for us, "I can't say that I know what you're feeling, so I'll just say that I care." There is never a more important time to have a social circle, to be socially well than when you have a tragedy or a great blessing.

We are on a journey of life, a journey of aging and knowing that we are getting older. As the commenter Starr said "I love the cycle of life...it is the only thing we can count on...if you have been born, you will die." So isn't it about what we do on this journey, it's important for us to find a path that we love and to keep walking.

There is painting at the BYU Art Museum by Thomas Worthington Whittredge. It's call Woodland Glade and is of a forest scene. It has a thicket in the front that almost seems impossible to get through, fallen trucks, shrubs, branches all over the place that just seem to get in your way but off in the distance the is the patch of light, the opening, the freedom. I image life like this picture, it's not like stroll in a park, just easy going, a flat pathway, but more like this thicket and when we arrive at the light we can turn around and see what we have accomplished. We can see that we have overcome so much on the journey and finally rest knowing that we didn't just give up.

The journey will become it's easiest when we can achieve true wellness. When we are keeping ourself physically fit and clean in the environment around us. When we have others around us to give us a hand. We need to have a reason to keep going, a spiritual purpose so when know this is just a journey and not the end and that there is know real end. We need to understand that we can keep going. We also need to trust ourself that things will get better. Otherwise we would get to a fallen tree truck, look at it and decide there is no reason to climb over, or we would give up after the first try. Or worst we would convince ourself that we can't do it even it we 'wanted' to. We can do it, all of us.

I am grateful for the pieces of life that I have had to climb over. Because I lost a mother I know the importance of those relationships. There were times where I had to wonder if I would financially make it and now am more grateful for the paycheck I get every two weeks. I have seen the birth of my son and know there is more to him that just science. I have knocked doors in a new city all day long without a person wanting to talk to me, to end with a man offering my a glass of water allowing my to know that we are all part of the same human family and there is a connection between us all.

When have you looked back on your path and seen a fallen tree truck and wondered at the amazement of having passed over it?
When have you turned a corner and seen the trees open to a smooth patch of light and realized there is peace along the journey?

When the end is too soon.

Two weeks ago one of the saddest things happened. A good friend of mine lost his youngest son. It was a tragic accident that took a the life of a little 16 month year old boy.

It leaves my numb inside just thinking about it. I come home everyday and get to hold my son. It makes my grateful for my spiritual wellness that tells me that there is a new beginning after this end. I feel bad for those who do not have a spiritual belief to hold on to.

What would you say to someone who this happened to?

What are your beliefs?

At the Beginning

Life is precious. As of Aug. 31st of this year I am a Father. Babies are completely dependent on others for all their needs. I know we often say all a baby does is eat, sleep and poo. However after having a new little one I realize a baby needs much more.

Out of the 6 wellness categories a new baby doesn't need all of them, but will have a better life if we help it with Physical, Social and Environmental Wellness. My little boy Benjamin who unlike me needs to continually gain weight, I just do it anyways. In the first two weeks he had gained a pound. Which is great and we hope he continues to do so. We also need to make sure he gets enough sleep to keep him healthy.

You would think that a little newborn doesn't have much need for a social life. However there are times that the only thing that will make him happy is to be held. He's been feed, not sleepy, just wants to be held. So you can see the need to have people love you and around you starts at the beginning.

Little Benjamin also needs to have environmental wellness. I need to keep his clothes and beds clean. He needs clean bottles to eat out of. The same basic needs that I need in my surrounding he needs as well.

As Donna Lewis said in her song 'At the Beginning':

"And Life is a road and I want to keep going. Love is a river I want to keep flowing. Life is a road now and forever. A Wonderful journey"

Life is a wonderful journey, I am glad we had time to be on it and to live our lives before our end does come. It can come way to quickly for some.

"We were strangers on a crazy adventure. Never dreaming, how our dreams would come true. Now here we stand, unafraid of the future. At the beginning..."

Many of us are strangers and life is a crazy adventure, but our dreams can come true especially if we strive to have a balanced wellness. When it balances out we will not be as afraid of the future.

Life Before the End

This semester in school I have been asked to keep a blog for my Physical Wellness & Health class. We had to choose a topic to blog about and then we need to blog weekly. As I do this I am also hoping to start some discussions, so please leave your comments and experiences.

I have chosen to blog about 'Aging, Dying, Death.' With this subject I will be taking different times of life and relating my thoughts while hoping to find a better understanding of how the 6 categories of wellness fit into those moments.

I will be blogging about birth and the beginning of life, how the beginning of life changes those arround that new life. I will have entries of the time my Mom died at the age of 50 and then how this compares to a Grandfather who was 92 when he passed.

The difference types of wellness we are covering in class and that I hope to dive into with this blog are:

Physical
Emotional
Intellectual
Spiritual
Interpersonal & Social
Environmental Well-being

I will be posting onto this blog weekly. My hopes is to do it every Wednesday night. Please check it weekly and help my as I touch upon a few moments through my life. These moments will help us better appreciate life and that we still have time before we 'age'.